Co-dependence in alcoholism is a negative kind of psychological state in which a person is emotionally, physically, and socially dependent on the alcoholic. It often occurs in close relatives or other people who are constantly in the circle of the addicted person.
Co-dependency may not occur in every person. The potential co-dependent has an inherent predisposition to this condition. As a rule, he is mentally unstable, overprotective, excuses the alcoholic, solves all his problems. Against this background, the alcoholic does not try to change his life because, in his opinion, everything is fine.
Alcohol treatment for an addict is not effective as long as there is a co-dependent person next to him. He, like the alcoholic, has psychological disorders and also requires treatment.
Signs of co-dependence
Co-dependency in alcoholism can be easily identified by signs such as:
Compulsive desire to help the alcoholic: seeking a solution to the problem, even if it is not necessary at all.
Attempts to force the alcoholic to behave in a certain way: orders, rules, conditions of behavior.
Feeling of guilt: accepting the alcoholic’s ailment as one’s own fault. Feeling that the person began to use alcohol due to the co-dependent’s fault.
Low self-esteem: develops because of the inability to manage one’s life and constant tension.
Failure to accept and ignore their own desires and interests: the ability to control their own destiny is lost. Personal life of the co-dependent is relegated to the background.
Unstable behavior: tearfulness, rudeness, bouts of aggression, hidden anger and rage.
Fixation on the person of the alcoholic: life revolves around the drinker. It is impossible for the family to bring acquaintances to visit, because it is unknown what state the alcoholic is in, what he will do this time. Everything adjusts to the life of the alcoholic.
Pathological concentration: the co-dependent is constantly focused, he subconsciously guesses or waits to see if the alcoholic is already drunk.
Attempts to pressure the drinking person: constant reproaches and admonitions toward the alcoholic. Emotional outbursts, threats, demonstrative behavior during arguments. If the alcoholic is told off by others, the co-dependent, on the contrary, defends him/her.
Imposing unnecessary help: constant control of the alcoholic’s behavior. Excessive tutelage leads to the addict’s lack of autonomy.
Denial of the problem: the co-dependent does not understand that he is in no less bad shape than the alcoholic and does not accept help.
Lack of desire to take care of themselves: the co-dependent stops communicating with friends, spending time on his or her appearance and on life in general.
Depressive states: constant tension leads to depression, apathy or thoughts, suicide attempts.
Non-acceptance of the self: the co-dependent generalizes himself with the alcoholic and applies the pronoun “we” rather than “me” to himself. He claims that: “We are on the road to recovery,” “We are expected at the hospital,” etc.
Patterns of co-dependent behavior
Different symptoms of co-dependency are characteristic of a particular pattern of behavior:
savior;
stalker;
martyr.
The savior convinces himself that he can and must help the addict. At the same time his actions do not bring benefit at all or make minimal effect. Subconsciously such people want to instill a sense of addiction in the alcoholic in order to establish complete control over him.
The persecutor wants to cure the alcoholic by any means necessary. In order to do this, he applies strict measures of control, establishing rules of behavior. The co-dependent pressures the alcoholic, intimidates him, threatens physical violence.
The martyr chooses the role of the victim. He is satisfied with this life and the state of affairs. He enjoys the pity of his friends and acquaintances. Those are a “shoulder to cry on” for the co-dependent.
Whatever the co-dependent’s pattern of behavior may be, he will do even more harm to the alcoholic. In addition, he ruins his own life.
What are the dangers of co-dependence
Co-dependency in alcoholism is a severe mental disorder. Sometimes it is easier to cure an alcoholic than a co-dependent who is around him.
Co-dependency leads to:
Inability to live a full life: the person loses a sense of self worth, cannot further build connections with other people.
Loss of interests: the co-dependent person forgets about all the things he ever cared about or was happy about. He lives to the detriment of his own life.
Difficulties in communicating: being in the alcoholic’s circle all the time, he loses the skills of contact with other people.
Forming an intolerable situation in the family: the person destroys the harmony and warm environment, aggravating the fact that there is already an alcoholic in the family. In building his own family may project co-dependent behavior on others.
Problems at work and in society: because of co-dependent behavior the co-dependent is not able to work and has unstable behavior.
Co-dependence interferes with the alcoholic’s treatment. His actions prevent the person who is drinking from recognizing his or her problem and deciding to treat it. The co-dependent needs qualified treatment himself.
There is a good chance that the co-dependent may become addicted to alcohol. He or she may soon start taking alcohol.
How to get rid of co-dependency
Treatment of co-dependency cannot be successful without qualified help. A psychologist can help you free yourself from the disease and shift your focus from the alcoholic to yourself.
Co-dependency is a shared disease, so it is impossible for one person to recover alone. Recovery from addiction must begin with the treatment of the alcoholic. At the same time, alcoholism cannot be treated on its own. The patient must be under the control of specialists in the conditions of narcological dispensary. There he will be selected an individual treatment plan, including getting rid of physical and mental addiction, the possibility of coding from alcohol, rehabilitation.
After the steps in treatment of the addict from alcohol are made, move on to the co-dependent. At this stage, he already understands that the alcoholic is able to cope with the addiction himself, does not need help.
The co-dependent must take the first step toward treating his disease – to admit that the problem exists. This is not always easy. As a rule, the person considers his behavior normal, saying that he is simply expressing concern for his loved one. Sometimes a psychologist can help in admitting the problem. To do this, you need to bring the co-dependent to a specialist, as he himself, in most cases, will refuse to help.
Psychological help for co-dependents includes:
Individual consultations and sessions;
group sessions;
Training to get rid of stressful situations, achieving inner peace;
Consideration of situations in the family from a different angle, to understand how a person harms alcohol addict.
Treatment of a co-dependent should be aimed at getting rid of guilt, anxiety and excessive custody over the alcoholic. Specialists teach the patient how to live his life anew, in his own pleasure, despite the problems of alcoholism in the family. Treatment helps get rid of fixation on the alcoholic and his problems.
Treatment of co-dependency at home is possible. Unfortunately, it is not as effective as treatment in a clinic.
Co-dependents are patients who need help just as much as alcoholics. A person with this disease can ruin the life of both themselves and their loved ones. To get rid of the disease quickly, you need qualified help from a psychologist.
